"for external use only" is just a fancy way of saying "don’t put this in your anus"
I think I’m addicted to pearls
Omfg I was sitting in a room with a bunch of my aunts, uncles and cousins and my grandma had this weird smile on her face so I asked her what was up and she just looked at me and said “everyone in this house is alive thanks to my vagina”
Disabled goldfish gets harness to help her stay afloat
this is very important
How can you not reblog baby animals
I needed this
the polar bear is actually a needlefelt or a stuffed toy…nooot an actual polar bear.
Car ride from hell…
Setting the scene. 8pm, sun shining through the windscreen right into my eyes. I go to lower the visor. As is routine in Australia, I slowly lower the visor and check for spiders. I see a giant black spider butt pointing in my direction. I slowly push the visor back up and then MY NATURAL INSTINCT IS TO FIGHT THE SEAT BELT AND TRY TO CLIMB INTO THE BACK SEAT WHILE SOBBING IN FEAR!
Dad: What’s the matter?
Me: *whining and sobbing which is a natural response to a giant black spider* SPIDER! GREAT BIG DIRTY FUCKER.Dad: It’s fake! *flicks the visor down as fast as possible and the spider, which is in fact fake, flies into my lap*
Me: *very girly terrified screams*
Dad: IT’S FAKE! You idiot! Don’t be stupid!
Me: THAT WAS NOT FUNNY! *throws fake spider on the floor of the car*
Dad then proceeds to giggle and laugh and poke fun at me, while my heart pounds in my chest from the rush of adrenaline. Worst freakin car ride ever. Mother fucking fake spiders looking fucking real. I live in Australia. You don’t pull those kinds of pranks ok…THEY CAN CAUSE SERIOUS HEART ATTACKS!
My dad is officially the worst person I am related too…I will, however, swallow my pride and admit that it was pretty bloody funny lol.
One time I was masturbating in the shower and came so hard that I couldn’t keep in my scream but I knew my brother was in the bedroom next door and that he’d hear and know what I was doing so I quickly transitioned into singing the opening of the Lion King.